


Good Grief

by valkysrie



Series: Depression Collection [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Fitz POV, Jemma POV, Pregnancy, Sad, kind of canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-15 03:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkysrie/pseuds/valkysrie
Summary: What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?Every minute and every hourI miss you, I miss you, I miss you more





	Good Grief

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bellastop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellastop/gifts).



> listen to this while reading https://open.spotify.com/track/6F65WOUiJFqsUhxTzzAWO7?si=1MoGksc3To6RloiukP0afA

                He’s pacing around the room when she enters. He doesn’t even look at her, doesn’t stop pacing. Most days are like this. She’s worried he’s given up on himself.

                “Fitz?” Her words come out softer than she meant but he looks at her, his eyes darting all around her face, taking in every detail it seems.

                “You came back.” It’s more a question than anything and it makes her frown.

                “Of course.” She whispers, taking cautious steps towards him. Lately, he hadn’t liked her to be close to him. That probably hurt more than anything. “How are you today?” She asks, although she can already see he’s not doing well.

                “How’s Daisy?” His voice is rough, almost as if he’s choking on his words.

                Truth was, she wasn’t doing okay either. She was hurt, feeling betrayed by someone she saw as her best friend, and mostly she was tired. They all were.

                “She’s fine.”

                “Don’t lie to me, Jemma.” It comes out as a plea. Fitz sits on the bed and places his head in his hands., something he did often.

                “Okay, she’s not doing fine. Fitz, I’m not going to sit here and tell you what you did destroyed her because you already know that, but maybe.” She pauses, trying to force the words out. “Maybe you should talk to her.” Jemma holds her breath, waiting for him to lash out like last time.

                “That’s not an option. What would I even say? I don’t deserve her forgiveness.” She frowns again at his words.

                Her chest tightens as he plays with the wedding band around his finger, his face knotted in confusion and sadness. He looks so tired, so broken.

                “Fitz.” She sits next to him, her hands itching to reach for his, wanting to comfort him in any way she could. She wished he’d let her.

                “How can you stand to be around me?” His words come out soft and broken. Tears run down his face, he doesn’t bother to wipe them off.

                “I love you, Fitz. You’re my home. I can’t stand to _not_ be around you. Please, just let me help you.” She practically begs. “At least look at me.” She wants to scream, her heart breaking for them both.

                “You can’t love me, Jemma. You should hate me. I hate me!” He stands up. “After everything I’ve done, you’re still here. What’s wrong with you? I keep hurting everyone around me, including you, and you’re still here! I almost kill Daisy and you are still here! Why? Huh, Jemma? Why can’t you let me go?” He’s screaming at her but at least he’s looking at her.

                “I know we can get through this.”

                “No.” He pulls the ring from his finger. Her entire world comes crashing down at that moment.

                “Fitz.”

                “Go.” She looks at him, shaking her head as tears run down her cheeks. “Leave!” Her whole body shakes as Fitz throws his ring on the ground. The sound of it hitting the floor bounces off the walls and rings in her ears.

                She leaves.

-

                “Simmons.” It’s Daisy, her eyes are soft as they land on Jemma’s swollen eyes. “What is it?” Her voice comes out panicked, the way it always does when she sees her friend in this state, but Jemma can tell she knows something is different. She was searching her face for any signs, of what? Who knows.

                “I’ve been sick for the past month, but I didn’t think anything of it.” Her voice is rough from crying. “I’m a doctor and I didn’t think anything of it.” She scoffs out.

                “Simmons, what is it?” Daisy repeats, rubbing her back as her friend continues to cry silently.

                “I’m pregnant, Daisy.” She wants to laugh at how ridiculous the words sound out loud. They were in the middle of trying to save the world and was pregnant.

                “Shit.” This time, Jemma does laugh. _Shit_ was right.

                “What am I supposed to do?” She’s more asking herself than Daisy because what would she know. This isn’t something any of them have had to even worry about before.

                “The first thing you need to do is talk to Fitz.” Daisy smiles for a second. “You’re gonna have a baby, Simmons.” She giggles, and it makes Jemma feel slightly better.

                “He doesn’t want to see me.” She whispers, looking down at her lap. She missed him so much. It had only been a week since she saw him last, but even that felt like an eternity.

                “You and I both know that’s not true. Now, go.” Jemma nodded, biting her lip nervously and walked down the hall to the room Fitz had locked himself in all those months ago.

                Each step felt like a mile and her heart was racing rapidly in her chest. She just wanted him to be okay, for both of them to be okay. All three of them, actually. This wasn’t news he’d want to hear, she knew that. She didn’t even want to hear it. Now was not the time to be thinking about a future, especially an uncertain one.

                He was sleeping, or looked to be asleep, when she arrived at the glass door. He looked so peaceful and it broke her heart. He deserved better than to hate himself for something none of them could control. She wished he saw himself the way she saw him.

                Jemma took a deep breath, typed the code to enter the room and stepped through the door. Her hands were slightly shaking by her side and she wondered why she was so nervous. They’ve already been through the worst, this was something good. This could be that something good that brings him back. She hoped it was.

                “Fitz.” She bent down next to his bed, her hand resting on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, slow and steady. He was asleep.

                He was shaking slightly, sweat pooling at the collar of his shirt. A bad dream.

                “Fitz, wake up.” She spoke softly, lightly shaking his shoulders. He opened his eyes suddenly, looking around the room frantically before they landed on hers and his entire frame relaxed, and he sighed with relief.

                “You’re here.” He smiled, and she knew everything was going to be okay.

                “There’s something I need to tell you.” Her voice comes out shaky as she goes to sit next to him on the bed. It’s the first time in weeks he let her be near him and it gave her hope.

                “What is it? Are you okay?” His eyes roamed around her entire body, looking for signs that she had been harmed. It warmed her heart. Fitz had always been worried about her, but she’d never get used to how much.

                “I’m fine.” She whispered, her lips tugging into a soft smile. “I’m just-” She took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

                A beat. She waited for his reaction. His face was blank, his eyes slightly wide as he looked into hers.

                “Fitz?”

                “You’re pregnant.” His face softened, and a huge grin broke across his face. It was the best thing she had seen in months.

                “I’m pregnant.” She nodded, laughing nervously.

-

-

-

                “Fitz, you have to eat.” Daisy’s voice is cold as she sets down a plate with a sandwich and a few cut up apple slices. He looks at it, his eyebrows raising in surprise.

                “Why do you care?” His accent comes out thick, the way it does when he’s angry or upset. This time it’s both. Lately, it is.

                “Just eat.” She groaned, rolling her eyes before walking away.

                He doesn’t want to eat. He doesn’t want to do anything, doesn’t think he even deserves the comfort of food. He wondered how things got so messed up. It used to be simple. He used to just sit with Simmons at the academy, take notes, and dream of one day getting the courage of telling her how he felt. That was simple. This, what his life had been for the past years, was not. He missed simple.

               “When’s the last time you ate, Fitz?” He turns around suddenly, his chair almost falling from under him. He relaxes as he takes in Jemma. She looks beautiful, her hair cascading neatly down her shoulders and a warm smile on her lips.

               “Maybe a few days. I haven’t been hungry, Jem.” He smiles at her as she sits in the chair beside him. Her hand brushes against his and he can feel the warmth radiating from a single touch.

               “You have to eat. You know this.” God, she looks stunning, he barely hears the words coming from her mouth as he just stares at her, taking in every little detail, not wanting to ever forget. “Our child needs her father, Fitz.” His chest tightens at this.

               “I know.” He sighs, rubbing his hand down his face. He’s just so tired.

               “So, eat and then go check on Anne, okay?”

               “Okay.”

               They sit in silence as Fitz bites into the sandwich Daisy made him. It’s good but nowhere near as good as Jemma’s. He doesn’t think any sandwich ever would be. He looks at her and smiles, his breath taken away slightly at her intense gaze. Her eyes seemed to be glued on his and he savors every moment of it, not wanting to let go.

 

                _“Fitz!” He stands up immediately, his eyes wide as he rushed over to his pregnant wife. Her hand is on her stomach and she has the most wonderful look in her eyes. Fitz gets lost in it for a while._

_“What is it?” He askes worriedly as he caresses her face, searching for signs that she’s hurt or distressed._

_“The baby, she’s kicking Fitz.” She looks crazy, her eyes wide and a smile a little too big for her face. He loves it. “Here, feel.” She grabs his hand and places it on her swollen belly._

_Fitz's eyes fill with tears as he feels the baby moving around inside Simmons. It’s one of the most bizarre feelings. That’s their baby in there. He almost can’t believe it._

_“Wow.” He says softly, his eyes trained on their joined hands on her stomach._

_“Our baby.” She mumbles, and her eyes are watery as well._

_Their baby. That’s insane._

           

               “How are you doing, little one?” Anne looks up at him, a goofy grin on her face before she giggles and grabs Fitz’s finger.

               “She’s getting big, isn’t she?”

               “Yeah, she’s beautiful. Just like her mother.” Fitz turns around and sees Jemma smile softly as she tucks her hair behind her ear. Even after all the times Fitz had complimented her, she still blushes. He found it adorable.      

               She’s only a year old but she’s already starting to look like Jemma and it breaks and warms Fitz’s heart. A tear slips down his face as he looks at his daughter, she really is so beautiful.

 

            _“Fitz, for the love of God, please hand her to me, she’s hungry.” Fitz rolled his eyes at his wife._

_“Look, she loves me.” He smiles softly as their baby girl grins widely at him._

_“Of course, she loves you, you’re her father.” Jemma’s voice was tired and slightly annoyed, but he heard the bit of fondness it possessed._

_“We’re so lucky,” Fitz whispers. Looking at his beautiful wife and his beautiful daughter he had never been this happy. The past year has been Hell but now, he had hope for the future._

_Hope for their future._

            “Hey.” Fitz’s looks over and notices Daisy standing at the door, a look of pity etched across her face. He hates it.

            “Can I hold her?”

            “Of course.” Him and Jemma say at the same time. He looks back and smiles at her before handing Anne to Daisy. Her face softens as she looks at her goddaughter.

            Fitz is glad they have this. It took nearly a year for Daisy to forgive him, which he understood, but it was nice to have his best friend back. Things weren’t the same as they used to be, but they were getting there. Slowly but surely.

            “Will you watch her? We need to talk to Mack.” Daisy gives him a sad look but nods.

            Her heart breaks as Fitz walks from the room, his head tilted to the side as he talks to himself. She knows he thinks Jemma is beside him and her chest tightens.

 

            _A single gunshot. A gunshot that would ring in Fitz’s ears for the rest of his life._

            _“No.” His voice was broken as he fell to the ground, his knees hurting as they landed roughly on the floor. “No. Daisy, no. Move out of the way!” He looks at Jemma, blood pouring from her chest wound, and his entire world shatters into a million pieces._

_“Fitz-”_

_“Move!” He screamed as he looked at Jemma’s lifeless body. He could barely hear their baby crying in Daisy’s arms, it becoming nothing but background noise._

_“Jemma, please. You have to come back.” Fitz sobbed, his hand softly caressing her face. She was so cold and pale. She felt so empty. “You can’t do this to me, Jem.” He choked._

_“We’re supposed to be invincible.”_

 

            “He’s still talking to her, isn’t he?” Daisy’s head snaps up at May’s voice as she enters the room.

            “Yeah.” She answers sadly, looking down at Anne and feeling beyond grateful Simmons had left something so special behind.

            “I thought he would move past this quicker.”

            “Jemma was his home, May. She was all he had that kept him from going completely over the edge, so when she-” Daisy swallowed thickly, her eyes starting to tear up. “-when she died, apart of him died too. It broke him. Sometimes I’m not even sure he knows what’s real and what’s not. Maybe its easier for him that way.”

            Daisy continued to look down at little Anne, she looked so much like Jemma, like her best friend. Her tiny hand reached up and touched Daisy’s cheek and she smiled. There was a look in her eyes, a look of understanding somehow. Daisy smiled. Jemma wasn’t gone. Apart of her was here with all of them. She was right here. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry b


End file.
